Perspective: People vs. Experiences

Paul's mother-in-law has inoperable cancer. Missy's got heart issues and her docs are confounded, sending her out of state. Heather's uncle gets told he's got a massive arterial blockage in his heart. Bill and Carole lose a young swimming friend. Marc and the Atlanta cycling community lose a veteran rider. A woman dies during the Six Gap Century descending Hogpen. Keith loses his brother. Dominic's father goes in for heart surgery. A good friend of my uncle Robert dies unexpectedly.

Sometimes it's hard to blog about Joe Reger's daily stuff. It simply seems so insignificant. My financial and athletic worries are just that... worries, not problems. My lessons pale in comparison to those that others are being forced to learn.

I don't have enough life experience (thankfully) to offer help or advice to those around me having a rough time. When I hear about these things I realize that they are simply in a league of their own. I reflect on them a lot. I like to think that the heartfelt moments I spend realizing how lucky I am to have a healthy family are the universe's balance to the difficulty that others are experiencing. Sometimes the worst of one person's life can give another person the gift of perspective.

Lately I've been blogging almost completely about athletics. But many of my thoughts are on the people around me and the challenges they're having. I don't want to sensationalize their experiences and I do feel awkward blogging about such things. A blog is often/usually a place to share good things. Since most of my blogging is light athletics lately I worry that it would be disrespectful to interject negative things.

Maybe tonight I can share some of the thinking that comes out the other end.

I'm honored that I have so many great friends who're willing to share such struggles. Some share publicly via blog, Facebook or Twitter. Some chat on the phone. Whenever I talk to friends I learn something and I gain perspective. This helps me daily as I amble through life, always trying to figure out what should get my attention.

Paul's struggling with something I struggle with... what's important in life? Is it Ironman? Or just the people I love?

On the one hand you can conclude from such happenings that you should focus entirely on the people around you. That athletics doesn't matter. That only people do. Because they can be gone tomorrow and once they're gone they're gone. A person is obviously more important than an Ironman finisher's medal.

While people are more important than most of us realize while they're here, people have to do things. To get the most out of relationships, friendships, acquaintances (and by extension, life) there has to be a backdrop... a stage... props... lighting.

When my father was dealing with the psyche-crushing heart-smashing brutal divorce that my mother handed him (ha, kidding guys) he read a book that described a relationship as a camp fire. You hang out around the camp fire for warmth but you can't just spend your entire camping trip sitting there. If you did you'd both be bored quickly and life would seem meaningless. You'd suddenly conclude that people don't matter, doing stuff does. You need to collect wood. And go fishing. And hike to the top of the mountain. And then you bring all of those experiences back to the camp fire to share with your partner.

What's important is the combination of loved ones and activities.

I could care less about Ironman. But I do love the fact that it's introduced me to so many great friends. And challenged me to make my body do more than I ever thought possible. And taught me about limits, resourcing, time management, etc. And given my family an event to attend. And an event to focus my year on.

By doing things we bring experiences to the table to share with the people we love. And that makes the things we do important. Since I have to be doing something, I prefer doing things that appear epic. Things that appear impossible. Things that might just inspire somebody else to take on a related or unrelated challenge, big or small. Things that teach me more.

There's a clear duality... a Zen quality... to life as I get older. On the surface Ironman means nothing to me and blogging endlessly on about it is clearly a waste of my time and your time, dear readers. But beneath the surface, when granted a grander life perspective from others, I see a rich canvas on which to paint the story of our lives.

And you can extend this canvas to include skydiving, rockclimbing, technology, physics, soccer, skateboarding and a bunch of other things for me. I'm sure each of you has a canvas that you live your life on.

It would be bad if when something horrible happened we all just sat there sad. Look at Missy's Twitters lately... she's not sitting around. The cyclists went out for a ride to honor their fallen buddy. Just make sure that you keep what's under the surface in mind. Love your family (but do so from a distance when within a couple weeks of an Ironman... germs.) Spend time with friends. Bring experiences back to the camp fire.

Thanks friends for sharing with me.