Ava goes to Pre-K today. We've been talking up the wonders of school. Buying school supplies. Talking about Mrs. Sherry, her teacher. And Ava's excited, ready to roll.
But I was awake a good bit last night. I can't shake a guilty feeling. Ava is in for one of the most traumatic days of her life. She's going into it blind. It'll happen quickly, when we leave her there. Happy... then, boom, terror.
I can just see her whole world... her whole reality... going from "la la la fun playtime there's my goodah" to "who are these people i'm scared i don't know anybody i'm alone help me i want my goodah!"
I think she'll do fine after a few minutes of adjustment. Even have fun. I just know it's going to be very scary for her. I don't want to disappear or sneak out. I want to tell her that I have to leave to build trust. To make sure that her GooDah wasn't complicit in her scary day. But doing so will lead to her clinging and screaming, like she did at the swim lessons. Trust is a bigger issue though so I'll still tell her that I have to leave.
Probably a lot more traumatic for me. I'm sure she'll do just fine!
[pause]
Just now she burst through the door and gave me a big hug. We talked about her big day. I think she'll be fine! Yay Ava!
Update 9:02AM: We got to the parking lot, took some pictures and put on her new backpack. We were waiting for Frec and Dylan to arrive when I asked Ava if she just wanted to go in. To my surprise she said yes. Heather wasn't ready with Emme so I just grabbed her hand and started walking. Ava was excited to get in there.
As we neared the building there were a lot of people. She walked right through and in! We found Mrs. Sherry's room and walked in. There were already about ten kids in there. Ava wasn't super-clingy but she was sticking around me.
Mrs. Sherry showed us where to hang the backpack. Then she asked Ava if she wanted to play with the other kids. Ava didn't respond so I just said "go play with the other kids." She was tentative, looking back to me a lot, but she did head over to the pack of kids under Mrs. Sherry's guidance. Rock on.
At this point I could have slipped out. In fact, I had a clear sense that Mrs. Sherry wanted me to do so. But I wanted to make sure Ava knew I wasn't abandoning her. She was looking back about once every 30 seconds. I inched towards the door. And when she looked back at me I looked right at her, said "bye bye Aves", waved and walked out. It wasn't super quick. And I didn't see outright terror in her eyes. I saw apprehension. And I'm pretty sure she was upset once I was gone.
She did a great job! So proud of her! There'll be some scary moments for her today but I think she knows that Mrs. Sherry is her center for the time being.
Heather and I talked to Frec and Lance who were dropping Dylan off. Dylan, Mrs. Independent, didn't seem to care that her parents were dropping her and maybe even wanted them to leave a bit sooner!
Big day! A good day for Heather and me to be reflective. A good day for Ava to do a bunch of growing!
Update 12:49PM: She had a great day! Definitely more traumatic for the parents. She was smiling and happy when we picked her up. Had a bunch of stories about the day. Awesome!
Sunday, February 7, 2010